Our lives begin with the first awareness of ourselves. The first time we saw our reflection in a mirror. The first time we rode a bicycle. The first time we felt love. The first time we found a purpose and contributed to the world, we were filled with the awareness of our independence and freedom of spirit. We are at the frontier of awakening our awareness of everything and everyone, including what is yet to be discovered. With every feeling and every thought, we look beyond ourselves, furthering our awareness of who, what, and why we are. We awaken our potential to greater fulfillment, happiness, and peace. The adventure is limited by the boundaries we create and the lens we focus. Like many people, I felt I was a part of something much bigger than myself—that reality was far more than what could be seen or touched. I started taking stock of out-of-body experiences, visions, and dreams since childhood. To help me understand the events, I opened a dialogue with a voice that had been present in the back of my mind—what I call my higher self. This relationship offered me insights into wholeness. Wholeness is connection to our empathy, compassion, and love, which tunes us into insight, intuition, and creativity.
A deeper part of us knows who we are, holding the memories and knowledge of our origin. We are energy. An essence. Timeless and intelligent. The isness of us, which makes connection possible. Everything else—intellect, ego, emotions, and physical body—is a part of the suit we wear. Empathy, compassion, and love are feeling with our essence. Insight, intuition, and creativity are seeing with our essence. Our essence is what gives us the capacity to connect with our higher self. Our experiences are moments in time. Our essence is with us throughout all time, immersing us in our life experience, helping us heal old wounds and live with greater purpose and peace.
Learning About Ourselves
The exercises in this book will help you access your essence, which represents your timeless, intelligent self, offering you the clarity of present-moment awareness. Tuning in helps you understand your emotions, making you more resilient to the challenges life throws your way.
I was 13 years old when my younger sister was upset about a boy who was bothering her on the bus ride home from school. Hugh and I were in the same class, but we didn’t know each other well. I went to where he sat in the back seat of the bus and confronted him. I said I would hit him if he continued to bother my sister. He smiled and said, “Yeah, so what?” That wasn’t the response I was expecting, so I closed my fist and struck his forehead. There was a loud thud as his head hit the aluminum sheet metal lining the back of the bus. Afterward, he sat there smiling at me as if nothing had happened. I hit him a second time, and again, he smiled. Hugh was the tallest boy in the class, and I was surprised he didn’t fight back. I expected him to react with something—anything—like calling me a name. Suddenly, I noticed the bus was silent. I turned around and saw everyone watching me. I looked toward the bus driver, Ms. Adams, staring at me in the rearview mirror. She was tough. She kicked a kid off the bus once for lighting a firecracker and throwing it under the seats. She never let him ride again. I headed down the aisle toward her, wondering if she would ban me. This was the first time I caused a problem on her bus. Once, she hit the brakes hard to avoid a head-on collision, and I was thrown from the front seat and collided with the dashboard. I was okay. When I reached the front of the bus, she simply opened the door. This was my usual stop. I was grateful she didn’t kick me off.
As I exited the bus with my sister, something didn’t feel right. Hugh showed no emotion, but I was full of emotions. When I got home, I went to the refrigerator but didn’t feel like eating my usual snack. I felt weighted down with an awful feeling in my gut. I was ashamed of myself. I knew Hugh to be an okay kid, and after talking to my sister, I realized he was only teasing her. He didn’t deserve to be hit. My feelings were speaking to me and asking for my attention. I walked a mile to Hugh’s house and knocked on the door. When he opened it, I said, “I shouldn’t have hit you, I’m sorry.” He replied, “That’s okay.” He reached out to shake my hand.
Hugh taught me a valuable lesson. My emotions led me to think I had a problem when, in fact, there was none. I was learning to pay attention to my emotions and, when necessary, surrender them. On my walk home, I felt better knowing I had put things right. Emotions signal to us that something needs our attention. When we ignore our emotions, we struggle against them. I could have coped with my feelings by rationalizing, telling myself Hugh deserved to be punched. If I had ignored my feelings, they would have remained unanswered, and my struggle would have continued. By addressing my guilty feelings, I was able to connect with Hugh and resolve my conflict. Years later, I would come to understand why I hit Hugh in the first place. I found cognitive distortions and irrational biases from past trauma that influenced unconscious feelings of anger. When we listen to our emotions, we can harness the energy behind them to serve as a catalyst for change, guiding us toward integrity.
Our inner world drives how we live, connect, and love ourselves and others. Emotional agility helps us adapt and thrive. Being honest means listening. Our willingness to explore our emotions enables us to identify feelings needing our attention. By pausing to consider our feelings without repressing them, we can be informed by them and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. Self-understanding helps us live in accordance with our values. Our acceptance tunes us into the present-moment awareness of our timeless, intelligent self, our essence. Tuning in makes space to slow down and look at our feelings from a distance with curiosity and respect, enabling us to be open and vulnerable. This interrupts the fight-or-flight mechanism and softens our reactions.
Our essence operates through the expanded awareness of our higher self, the origin of our empathy, compassion, and love, as well as our insight, intuition, and creativity. When we do something that makes us feel good, such as taking care of ourselves or others, we cultivate our values and foster acceptance and growth. As we learn to see and feel with our essence as the lens, we discover ourselves to be highly resourceful beings, able to align with qualities of our humanity, and expand our capacity for gratitude. Tuning in is as natural as taking a breath. When we breathe deeply, we saturate our body with oxygen. This activates our parasympathetic nervous system to calm tensions. When we feel calm and safe, we can harness our emotions to face the challenges we encounter in our lives.
Begin by sitting or lying down in a quiet and comfortable place. Notice the warmth or coolness of the air on your skin and any tension in your body. Paying attention to physical sensations helps to ground you with present-moment awareness. Take slow, deep breaths to relax your body and mind. Inhale and exhale comfortably. Visualize oxygen filling your chest, and relax the cells in your body. Be present in the stillness within you. Take a moment to identify and name the feelings inside you. Happy, sad, tired, excited, angry, etc. Allow yourself to open your heart, lean in, and listen to your feelings. Be gentle as you let them speak to you.
Say to yourself, “I feel .”
By listening, you pull back the hidden layers of your inner world to feel what’s there. When you take a moment to breathe and be with your feelings, you make it possible to understand them. Understanding offers acceptance, tuning you into your essence. This is where your higher self resides.
Visualize yourself as a facet of your higher self. You are the reflection. Your lifetime has brought you to this precise moment.
Say to yourself:
“May I feel empathy.”
“May I feel compassion.”
“May I feel love.”
“These feelings come from me, are for me, and for others.”
The energy of empathy, compassion, and love fosters acceptance. Acceptance frees you to be present and gives you a deeper appreciation of yourself and others.
Tuning in to our essence provides us with resilience, making us emotionally flexible, less judgmental, and more forgiving. By tuning in, we lay the foundation to grow rich with independence and freedom of spirit.
Published in Best Holistic Life magazine, 2025.